So, my name is Rachel.
I want to travel the world.
I'm quiet, not shy.

Figure me out.
Get to know me.
I dare you.

alex-of-macedonia:

theplanlaugh:

So my dad has this new idea: Take this wonderful wasabi thing

image

Turn it into beautiful, small rectangles, wrap it in laminated paper and put it in a trident box, so that it’ll look like this:

image

Give it to someone when they ask you for gum and watch as their mouth burns. Enjoy.

image

Posted 4 hours ago With 134,147 notes

hobbitofthemotherfuckinshire:

Remember there was almost another twilight book but someone leaked it so Stephanie Meyer refused to finish and I’m 98% sure it was Robert Pattinson and god bless him

Posted 20 hours ago With 38,572 notes

ivuonnu:

skypestripper:

im glad i dont have a thigh gap i almost dropped my phone into the toilet but i caught it with thunder and lightning

why did you name your legs

Posted 20 hours ago With 53,859 notes

magicul:

people who don’t text back straight away annoy me even though i am one of those people

Posted 20 hours ago With 93,439 notes

perksofbeingafanboy:

I’d happily watch an 8 hour film adaptation of a book if it meant every little book detail was put in it

Posted 20 hours ago With 42,828 notes

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

Posted 20 hours ago With 100,586 notes

pemsylvania:

throw yourself a surprise party in someone elses home and yell surprise when they walk in the door. guaranteed surprise.

Posted 20 hours ago With 235 notes